this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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