You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
