She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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