He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My cat gives me a boner
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
