can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
