I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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