i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
