1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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