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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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