He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
