Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
