covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
