today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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