I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
