giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
