you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I AM VODKA MAN
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
