dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His hands were made for my vagina.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
soo... how was my night?
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