My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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