Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize