Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize