sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize