god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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