I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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