I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
