I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
