Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
