She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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