Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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