did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
