took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
