just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
