I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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