What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
