Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
