Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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