life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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