I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night