just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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