Are we in a gay sports bar?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
