true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
