We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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