ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
