I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
