no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
