you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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