See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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