I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
