I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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