I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
