the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
