I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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