woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
