Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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