he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
