I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
