gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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