Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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