he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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