why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
