And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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