it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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